Velez Makes Women, Small Children Cry

These guys just will not allow me to enjoy myself.

The Phillies series may be the best example to date of why the Giants are so incredibly maddening. Despite all of the team’s warts, just one out separated the Giants from a sweep of the two-time defending NL Champs. And then it all came crashing down like the economy under a Republican Administration. Instead of celebrating victory, you find yourself kicking the cat and jabbing sharp objects into your temple to drown out the voices.

The bats showed up in Game One and Jonathan Sanchez won despite struggling mightily. The Giants homered twice in game two and Todd Wellemeyer got his first win, prompting him to be rushed to the hospital for observation. Then Tim Terrific threw what might have been his best game as a Giant in Game Three only to see a boneheaded managerial move, poor relief and a guy doing a Michael Jackson impression sour the soup.

So to date that’s three games the Giants have absolutely given away this year. I’m not talking about games where they didn’t hit (there are too many of those to count) but flat out gifts to the opposition. This team could easily be 15-6 instead of 12-9 (and that excludes losing a one-hitter), and I’d be humming a different tune.

Breaking down the Phillies series:

Game One: It seems that with Sanchez it’s always two steps forward, one step back. After dominating the Padres he looked like a rookie versus the Phils. He couldn’t throw strikes, couldn’t hold runners on base, and never seemed to find a rhythm. But he did make some big pitches when he needed to. All in all far too many freebies, and that’s what separates him from the elite. He’s Nuke Laloosh, he of the million-dollar arm and five cent head. If this kid ever puts it all together he’s going to be incredible, but how long do we have to wait for him to grow up? Fortunately the Giants gave him an early cushion, no doubt prompting some evil stares from Matt “Where the Eff is That When I Pitch?” Cain.

Two homers in the same frame from Giants hitters was a red flag in Game Two. I'm not saying the ball was juiced, but I launched my own investigation, cut one of the balls open and found a carburetor. The beneficiary was Wellemeyer, who still looked like crap but managed to get a win.

Watching Wellemeyer was like watching a guy tap dance in a minefield. He’s got a map and he’s confident of success. He’ll tell you he’s done it before and knows exactly the right path to success. But with every step you hold your breath and shield your eyes waiting for something to go boom. He ended up throwing 456 pitches and walking the population of Bolivia in the process, but it’s a win. With Wellemeyer you don’t ask questions. The victory was manna from Heaven, and I’ll take it.

Welllemeyer should definiitely have bought the beer for Nate Schierholtz, who was the star of the game. Ryan Howard just got gunned down again in his sleep, with Chase Utley making a guest appearance in the Phillies' baserunning nightmare. Expect to see more of what we observed in Howard's second AB. Nate may not throw out many more simply because guys are gonna slam on the breaks and retreat to first with their tails between their legs. There was chatter on-line about the loss of Randy Winn's defense, but after watching Winn throw a 47-hopper to first base the other night, I'll stick with our guy.

Then came the classic “WTF” game.

With Lincecum two outs from a 4-1 win, Mellonhead came with the hook. He got roundly booed by the fans, and it turns out they knew more about pitching that he did – like that’s a news flash. Wilson, while one of the best closers in the league, sometimes goes into another zone and thinks he’s a cross between Don Stanhouse, Brad Lidge, and the pitching machine we used at my high school. He can be instant drama, and when that happens it’s like a Schilling/Williams moment all over again. Cover your eyes ‘cause it’s gonna be ugly. Three runs later the game is tied, we’re headed for extras, and Lincecum is in the clubhouse wondering if Bochy’s office is flammable.

We can also talk about Affeldt’s struggles or Bengie whiffing on a catchable pitch to plate a run in the 10th but the real goat is Eugenio Velez, who in the 11th made us wonder why he bothered to take a glove into the field at all. Dude, you run TO the wall, not THROUGH it. As for the drop that followed, well, that’s the reason my wife doesn’t allow anything breakable near the TV anymore. What was that, were you watching playoff video of Jose Cruz?

So many things were mishandled that it’s impossible to enumerate them, but it showed one major problem with the philosophy of this team. Versatility isn’t necessarily a virtue. The Giants have approximately 96 guys on the roster if you figure in the multiple positions guys supposedly can play, but it’s the old saying about “jack of all trades, master of none” come to life. Velez isn’t an outfielder – actually he isn’t baseball player but he can run, so the Giants feel compelled to find him a place to play. On this day they needed a left fielder, not a generic substitute.

Velez, to me, is representative of a greater evil. There are easily five guys on this roster who are like your appendix: they might have been useful at one point but no one would notice if they were gone. Can anyone honestly tell me the team would be worse off if Velez, Wellemeyer, Medders, Renteria and Whiteside were abducted by aliens?

Gotta give some credit to the offense for gamely trying to come back, but again I’m a little leery. We’ve seen this before. When they hit, they don’t pitch. When they pitch, they don’t hit. Inconsistency wears Orange and Black.

Day off to recharge, then it’s Zito on the hill versus the Rockies on Friday. Let’s hope the Giants can score some runs, because Zito’s on a roll. Not bad for a 14th-round fantasy pick – even if I did gag when I said it.

When the team itself so regularly fails on a grand scale, it’s the little surprises that make you smile.

God, If Only They Could Hit!

No rant throughout the Cardinals series so I’ll catch up here. I decided to make the trip to AT&T to see what was what for myself, and typing out posts on an iPhone just wasn’t an option. I mean, I’m crazy, but I’m not that crazy.

So, my thoughts as the Giants took two of three? They haven’t changed. The Giants have some really good pitching, and they should be absolutely ashamed that they’ve once again failed to build an offense to support it.

First, let’s talk about the pitching. Yes, the Cardinals are struggling mightily at the plate, but any team that has Pujols and Holiday is still worthy of attention. The Giants surrendered exactly three runs in three games – stellar. It also makes you wonder how they managed to lose at all.

Lincecum clearly didn’t have it on Friday, which made his outing that much more impressive. Tim tossed 120 pitches over seven frames and never looked like he was in command. “Throwers” can school you when they’re on their game. “Pitchers” beat you when they don’t. For the record, Lincecum is a “pitcher.”

Speaking of pitchers, I was resigned to the thought that the next time I’d hear that chant of “Barry, Barry” would be at an old-timers game. Zito was positively electric. Whatever the space case is sprinkling on his corn flakes, get the man a case of it. He was on, and he knew it. That’s four straight outstanding outings from a guy who traditionally stinks up the joint in April and May. The $126 Million Man finally showed up, and he made the Cardinals look positively goofy. Gotta love a man who can send Pujols to the dugout muttering to himself.

Cain pitched well enough to win. The numbers don’t tell the whole story. He gave up a solo shot and a sac fly, but it was pitch count that did him in. He wasn’t wild, it was just that the Cardinals spoiled a lot of good pitches. There were more foul balls in that game that any I can remember. Like Zito in LA, he pitched well enough to win, and a better team supporting him could have made that happen.

So let's hear it for the pitchers – a round of applause. For the sticks, a pox on your house. You should be ashamed. The Giants bats produced exactly three RBIs in three games.

The 4-1 win on Friday was a direct result of Cardinals generosity – with errors contributing to two runs and a wild pitch aiding the third. Heck, the lone RBI came on an infield single where the pitcher failed to cover the bag. Saturday’s runs scored on the proverbial seeing-eye grounder that followed two horrific bunt attempts, and a sac fly. Sunday, well, you don’t have to describe what happened when you got shut out.

I can’t say it enough. This team can’t hit. It couldn’t hit last year, and Brian “BS” Sabean didn’t address the need. After two years with Bengie Molina as the clean-up hitter you can’t say this issue snuck up on him. He’ll claim Huff and DeRosa are an upgrade, but that’s like saying your love life improved because you broke up with Amy Winehouse to go out with Courtney Love.

It’s not all gloom and doom with the Giants. They’re likely to hover around .500 because – despite a few weak spots – they’ve got pitching. The 1-3 is as good as any in the game right now, and Wilson is in the top group of closers. This is a staff in need of adjustments, particularly with regard to a fifth starter and middle relief, but an overhaul certainly isn’t warranted.

Backed by any competent offense, this team is a contender. But the offense is hardly competent. As has been his pattern, Sabean has once again assembled a vehicle comprised of complimentary parts. Nice fenders, decent tires and no freaking engine. Bonds covered up some of Sabean’s shortcomings. Now the emperor has no clothes.

Over the next two months, Sabean should be on the hot seat. Personally, I think he should be fired (surprise!) but that’s certainly not going to happen mid-season -- especially after he and Melon Head got contract extensions to start the year. But the pressure to produce should be on.

Add two impact sticks to this team – legitimate 4-5 guys, and this team has a chance. Without an offensive upgrade, they’re done. Pitchers are rarely perfect, and these guys have to be to win (just ask Matt Cain).

So as the season plays out, the onus has to be on the GM to provide some offense. No more Barnes-for-Garko fiascos. No more dealing pitching prospects for guys with one foot in the grave (or on the DL). No more Shea Hillenbrands. Add to that a legitimate fifth starter and one middle reliever and this team could be scary.

So, my contention is that the Giants are 3-4 players away from being really good. Or are they just one good GM away from being really good?

Hey, Brian! The ball is in your court.

"What Was the Thought Process Behind That?"

The title of this thread comes courtesy John Miller, who uttered that phrase after Todd Wellemeyer served up a fat one to Adrian Gonzalez in the bottom of the first today. It could be said that Miller summed up the feeling of most Giants fans -- especially this one -- when this roster was constructed.

It's becoming evident that the Giants' early success was hardly an indicator of things to come. At the end of the day, a duck is still a duck. This team may have appeared to be better at the outset, but as the season starts to find its pace it's pretty clear that the Giants don't have the required parts to compete. You don't ask Mark DeRosa to become Barry Bonds. He's not, he never was, and he never will be.

Here's what really makes me crazy: no matter how badly they perform you realy can't blame the players. The fault lies with an organization that insists on continuing to pound square pegs into round holes. DeRosa and Huff, the prize acquisitions, would be solid additions to a team in need of some experience to augment young talent. They are not, and never were, guys who would hit in the middle of the line-up on a legitimate contender.

It's not their fault. They are being asked to do something they aren't capable of. Not only is neither of these guys a substitue for Bonds, neither ever claimed to be. They are what they are, journeymen ballplayers. They should be the baseball equivalent of Trent Dilfer: You don't expect them to win the game for you. You ask them not to lose it.

At the end of the day, the general manager must take responsibility for the performance of players he selects. If he brings in Wellemeyer and the guy can't find the strike zone with a compass and a flashlight (and the few strikes he does throw become a threat to low-flying aircraft), you have to ask what idiot thought this guy would be a good addition to a team that supposedly has a plethora of young pitching. If the position draftees like Posey, Downs, Noonan, Ford and others are the team's immediate future, why the need to overpay for the likes of Rowand and Renteria, or even entertain the thought of singing a DeRosa or Huff?

The answer is simple. Depsite all the talk about Bochy favoring the vets, it's Sabean who continues to fil the cupboard with day-old bread. He's the class geek who would rather ask a solid "4" (or a pair of "2"s)  to dance because it's preferable to the possiblity an "8" will turn him down. Pretty soon his dance card is filled with the lesser girls in the room, he has offered three of them a ride home, and now the head cheerleader has broken up with her boyfriend and needs a lift but he doesn't have a seat to offer and thus misses the opportunity.

By the way, a couple of days ago I likend the Giants to a girl who looks good but never comes across -- the early season was just a big tease. In the case of the 2010 Giants, not only has she left you standing on the doorstep but she's sleeping wth your best friend -- and his brother -- and then she sent you the videotape -- which she also posted online. She's not a tease or even a golddigger anymore. She's just mean. She is determined to break your heart and will stop at nothing to do so.

There are all sorts of variables that people can point to. There are those who talk about how Peter Magowan supposedly dictated some of the signings, or about how the front office was handicapped by salary during the Bonds era. But with Bonds and Pinky both long gone, those excuses ring hollow. There is only one constant, Sabean.

There is no general manager in baseball who has had such a sustained perod of ineffectiveness and kept his job. Sabean is now officially MLB's answer to Elgin Baylor. Before the Giants end up the baseball equivalent of the Clippers, they've gotta change direction.

There are easily half a dozen guys now mired in the minors who certainly couldn't be any worse that what we're seeing this year. They will never get a chance if Sabean continues to covet every Dave Roberts, Jeff Fassero or Shea Hillenbrand that crosses his path.

It didn't take Theo Epstein 15 years (and counting) to turn around the Red Sox. It didn't take Kenny Williams that long to end the ChiSox' losing skid. Ned Coletti altered the Dodgers' fortunes in a hurry.  It doesn't take a genuis to see that Sabean has failed, and failed miserably.

The talking heads maintain Giants fans won't support the team if they rebuild. Well, how long to you think they'll continue to fly the flag for a team that performs poorly? I'd gladly endure a rebuild -- a true rebuild led by someone capable of evaluating talent - as opposed to watching this same crap every year. At least with a rebuild you can look to the future.

Punchless, Pointless, Hopeless: Your 2010 Giants

Put it in the book. This is officially the worst Giants performance I’ve seen in my 39 years as a fan. Remember the 100-loss season in 1985? That team would kick the crap out of this bunch of posers.

How the @#$%% do you LOSE A ONE HITTER?

After winning three straight series to open the year, the Giants have fallen off the proverbial cliff. They are, in a word, pathetic. There's an old showbusiness saying that "you can't polish a turd." I won't begin to look for a silver lining. Of this I am certain -- as predicted, this Giants team stinks on ice. The Padres were universally picked to circle the drain of the division this season, and yet once again the Giants are absolutely OWNED by the Friars. How low can they go?

Tonight was a classic display of offensive ineptitude. How many times can you waste a runner at third and no out? How sad is it when, in the back of your mind, you know your team is totally screwed as soon as the opposition takes the goose egg off the board?

The Giants have now gone approximately 347 years without delivering a hit with a runner in scoring position. Stevie Wonder could have lucked into a base hit by now, but these heroes approach the plate like dead men walking. Tonight the cameras caught a glimpse of Eugenio Velez with a look of utter defeat on his face. When the team knows it's going to fail, why should we have hope?

Two weeks ago, before the Giants looked in the mirror and realized they were the same sad sacks who stumbled through at-bats last year, you tried to guess who was going to come through. You dared to dream. Now you wonder what creative way they’re going to find to screw up. The only thing that would have been a more fitting end to that debacle would have been Torres trying to score on that short fly ball in the ninth and getting gunned down – presenting what would have been the 63rd different way the Giants had hit into a double play this week.

I swear to God someone in the Giants front office sits up nights thinking up ways to fail (the next will probably involove Lou Seal, Crazy Crab or a poisoned cha-cha bowl). If it can be done incorrectly, the Giants have done it. Their performance this week is an embarrassment to fans and to the game itself. There are Pony League coaches making training videos right now using the Giants as an example of how NOT to pursue a career in baseball.

A note to Jonathan Sanchez. You are an example of what is wrong. You are an incomplete player. Nice pitching, but if you’re going to occupy a spot in the line-up you'll have to learn hold a runner and lay down a freaking bunt. You and your teammates are the poster children for how failure to do the little things gets you beat.

Sanchez exemplified what has become a pattern with this organization. Even when the Giants were competitive, they always had a glaring weakness that wasn’t addressed. This bargain basement roster building has to end. DeRosa? Stiff. Huff? Average. Wellemeyer? Total waste of genetic material. Even the big money signings have been misfires. Rowand? Renteria? Are you freaking serious?

This is the team Satan has chosen. This is the line-up he looked at and said, “That’ll do, Pig. That’ll do.” It’s clear that Giants management has no ability to evaluate talent. Heads have to roll, starting with those who put this abortion of an offense together. There is no excuse for constructing a team this offensively inept. For years the offense could be described with two words: "Barry Bonds." Now it's just one word: "sad." Without Bonds (whom Sabean inherited) to carry the freight, they have no punch. Sabean is exposed -- he clearly cannot evaluate offensive players.

I’ll say it here: there is no hope for this organization as long as these people are calling the shots. They simply don't get it. Anyone who honestly believes DeRosa, Medders, Renteria, Rowand, Whiteside and the like are the ingredients to a winning campaign needs to double up on his meds.

For the love of all that is holy, please blow this mess up and start over. Start with the front office. If they haven’t gotten it right in 15 years they aren’t suddenly going to discover a clue. Trade away anyone with value over age 30. The journeymen who can’t be dealt should be released.

It’s time for Giants management to show the fans they actually give a crap, that they care about something more than profits from $10 beer and $30 parking. Right now it would appear that no one in this organization has the skill or the inclination to build anything more than a mediocre suck hole of team that will do nothing but frustrate a fan base that deserves a lot more that the dreck being served up here.

I will say this for Sabean and Company. They promised us that this would not be a repeat of 2009. In that they were correct.

This is worse.

Giants in Free-Fall: Only 149 Gut-Wrenching Games to Go

Analysis of the Giants pitchers: Not good enough to overcome the team’s considerable offensive shortcomings.

Analysis of the Giants offense: An unmitigated disaster.

For the second straight game the pitchers served up a game-winning long ball, and for the second straight game the offense was nothing short of embarrassing. There are T-ball teams that could defeat this sorry compilation of talent.

Every school had one – a girl with a smoking-hot body who kept flashing guys “the look”. You knew the payoff would be incredible so you blew every dime you made with that that crappy summer job on one big date; only to find out she had any intention of doing anything other than spending your cash.

After a 7-2 start, the Giants have made it clear they aren’t going to put out. Thanks for dinner, here’s a peck on the cheek at the door.

It’s obvious these guys can’t hit. Not consistently, and not at the Major League level. After a fast start that was clearly an optical illusion, the Giants team I predicted we’d see this year has made it’s appearance. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think their last RISP hit came during the Reagan Administration.

Interesting story. After Torres’ maddening but totally-predictable double play grounder with the bases juiced, I went off on a tirade about RISP. My wife asked about the acronym, and I had to explain the particulars of hits with Runners In Scoring Position. I shouldn’t be surprised that she didn’t know what they were - it’s been so bloody long since the Giants actually produced such a thing that I couldn’t recognize one if it walked up and introduced itself.

The Giants have lost three of four on the road trip, laying this rather considerable egg within the division – further testament that their hot start was a function of the opposition and not their ability.

The offense needs a four-fold improvement to be called inept. With this year’s prime acquisition (DeRosa) flirting with the Mendoza line, it’s pretty clear that the Giants, despite the early-season binge, didn’t improve their offense a lick. For two straight games they have failed to deliver a single hit with a runner in scoring position, an act unmatched since, well, since the 2009 San Francisco Giants.

These guys aren’t better. It’s the same pig with a different shade of lipstick. They’ve come back to Earth with a resounding thud.

Brace yourselves, Giants fans. This is shaping up to be a VERY long year.

They Really Had This One Coming to Them

Barry Zito did not deserve what happened to him Sunday.

The Giants got EXACTLY what they deserved.

Despite outscoring the The Hated Dodgers 18-12 in the weekend series, the Giants dropped two of three to their intrastate rival and did so in decidedly gut-wrenching, Giants-like fashion. The only thing missing was a Steve Finley sighting.

It’s not the first time we’ve seen this (@$# you Ryan Splibourghs) and I certainly don’t expect it to be the last.

First, the positives. Okay, this is singular, but Zito absolutely dealt. He got ahead of hitters, he made good pitches, and he avoided the free pass the way vampires avoid sunlight. The one guy he did walk played a major role in the decision, but blaming Zito for that was like blaming Hugh Hefner for Barbie Benton getting old. He was around to see it, but hardly the cause.

Three major culprits today:

The obvious goat is Sergio Romo, who teed one up for a rastafarian malcontent who may or may not be in a family way -- or so his pharamcist says. It was one too many Frisbee breakers to a guy who makes a living off stupid decisions.

Dishonorable mention to Bruce Bochy, for bringing Romo into a spot where everyone, even Vin “I should have retired a decade ago but no one has the guts to fire me” Scully expected Wilson – our best against theirs.

Don't forget the Giants offense (like we could), which once again failed miserably. Jeez, my kingdom for little offensive consistency.

A coupe of things are clearly at work here. The biggest issue is the compelling argument that the Giants pitching is overrated. I’ve said this before, and I‘ll stay with it until someone listens. They have some great pitchers. That doesn’t mean the have great pitching. I’d stack the Giants’ 1-3 against any team in baseball and Wilson is a solid closer (although he sometimes channels Don Stanhouse). I like Affeldt, but I keep wondering when his luck is gonna run out. The rest of the staff is a high wire act.

Case in point: Sergio Romo. He’s been effective more often than hot, but I remain skeptical. He is, for want of a better term, a gimmick pitcher. He relies on an assortment of odd angles to confuse hitters. The problem with those guys is, the more you see them, the less they deceive you. Think Noah Lowry. Once people figured out he only had one way to get outs, his effectiveness waned. Hideo Nomo, Mark Fydrich – the list is long and distinguished.

If there is any justice in the world, Romo got to the locker room only to find Zito had set his clothes ablaze.

You certainly don’t bring a gimmick pitcher in to face another team’s best hitter with the game on the line – even if he is coming off the bench. Regardless of what the rulebook calls a “save”, that’s when the game was being decided. Saving Wilson for the ninth actually required getting to the ninth with a lead. So much for that. Bochy botched it, plain and simple.

And again I’m totally disgusted with the Giants bats. They had eight ABs with a runners in scoring position, and the only hit was a slow curve Bengie took in the hip. Eight tries: one walk, one HBP, six outs – only one of which left the infield. Pathetic. I saw a lot of 2009 today, and it wasn't any prettier in reruns.

The Dodgers had one chance. They made good on it. Good teams can hit. Check that, good teams can hit when it matters. Everyone is a hero when it’s 9-0 (calling Pedro Feliz!). When the game is on the line, the real players step up. Today that player wore blue.

For a team to contend, it has to win games like this one. At season’s end, one or two games can make all of the difference. If the Giants come up short, they’ll look back at a day in April when they let this one get away.

Giants' Number-Five Pitches Like Number Two

Short post tonight because there is little to say. If you watched it, no explanation needed. If you didn’t, consider yourself fortunate. Dodgers 10, Giants 8 – and it wasn’t that close.

Some truths were reinforced:
· When the Giants are good, they’re really good.
· When they aren’t, they’re unwatchable
· Todd Wellemeyer sucks.

Let’s set Mr. Peabody’s Wayback Machine to April 5th, where someone wrote:

“I still preferred Pucetas as the number five over Wellemeyer (a decision I'm sure was predicated by contract as much as by performance).”

and…

“Why is it once again the Giants spent the off-season lauding their young arms yet felt compelled to go to outside sources to fill out the staff? …….Maybe it's just ADD, wave a hurler around and watch (Sabean) twist his neck screaming ‘squirrel’!"

I hate being right all the time, and I rarely miss with pitchers.

There are people on this roster that do not belong in a Major League uniform, and Wellemeyer is firmly entrenched on that list. The Giants haven’t had a starting pitcher this lame since Damian Moss got dealt for a rabid kangaroo.

Can someone please tell me why a team supposedly rich with young arms feels the need to add a man who had the worst opponents’ batting average in baseball last year? Enemy sticks hit .326 – and lefties pounded him for better than a .350 average. This is a worthy addition to a team supposedly powered by pitching? That makes about as much sense as the Raiders drafting a 290-pound quarterback who can’t throw – oh wait, they did that.

Yes, the Giants made it close. But when your starting pitcher effectively gives up the game before your offense has taken a ball out of the infield, the rest is window dressing.

And let’s not forget that, once again, Medders allowed an inherited runner to score. That’s not the kind of consistency the Giants need from a reliever. The only consolation is that he entered a game that was basically decided – which is the only time he shoud be allowed near the field.

I’m thinking the Giants could easily target four guys for the old “addition by subtraction” theory. No one in AAA could possibly perform worse that Wellemeyer, Medders, Whiteside and Renteria. They contribute nothing other than an extra hand for the clubhouse card game, and Wellemeyer probably cheats.

This week is an important test. The Giants make their first run through the NL West --visiting LA and San Diego. Last year they opened 0-6 on a trip to (wait for it) LA and San Diego. We're going to find out if this is a different team or if Week One was nothing more than a cruel mirage. Early returns aren't looking so hot.

Lincecum on the hill in game two, and it's a recipe for offensive disaster with the undisciplined Giants facing a knuckleballer. Let’s hope for a better result.

It certainly couldn’t get much worse.

It's a Family Thing

Day off. Time to answer THE question.

People who read this blog ask me why I hate the Giants so much. For the record, I don’t. I’m crazy about the Giants and have been since I was seven. I want them to win only slight less passionately than I want one (or both) of my boys to win the Nobel Prize. Heck, I named one of my boys after a player. If that’s not a fan….

It may come as a shock, but I look forward to the day when I can post something about the Giants juggernaut running roughshod over the baseball world and finally delivering that title that each of us diehards so richly deserves. I want to praise Brian Sabean (or his repalcement) for building a winner. But mostly, I just want to savor victory.

Baseball, and the Giants, are a family tradition. I’m a Central California native but my family’s roots are in Oklahoma. The family came this way in the mid 1950s, just barely preceding baseball’s move out west. Because MLB was basically confined to the Northeast and Midwest, fans elsewhere usually ended up rooting for one of the New York Three.

For my grandfather, the man who first taught me to love baseball, it was the Giants. He would later swear allegiance to the Angels but I stuck with the G-men. I grew up on McCovey, Mays and Bonds Part I. I suffered through Johnny LeMaster and Fred Breinning. I died with every swing and miss from Dave Kingman and Rob Deer. I’ve long waited for my fandom to pay off.

I’ve seen a Boston team that was supposed to be cursed win the World Series twice. I’ve seen the Twins, who were a joke in my youth, do the same. I saw the ChiSox end decades of frustration. I’ve seen the Mets, the lowly comic-book Mets, win a crown. I’ve seen titles go to teams like Arizona, Florida and Toronto that weren’t even in existence when I began watching baseball. And I watched the Giants waste arguably the greatest hitter who ever lived.

And who can forget " Game Six". I sat in the left field corner of Angels Stadium and watched the dream die in bloody agony like something out of a Tarantino film.

I’m tired of waiting. I want the front office to care as much as I do.
For the record: I Love the Giants. But there are two kinds of love, and again it’s a family thing. Little kids love Mom and Dad unconditionally. Every time I enter the room my boys look at me like it’s the best thing that has ever happened. In their eyes, Dad can do no wrong.

I love my kids, but it’s not the same thing. You’d lose your mind if he was 26 and still living on your couch. You want them to be the best they could possibly be, to make the most of their opportunities and get the maximum out of whatever talent they have. If they don’t, you still love them, but you’re also sorely disappointed.

That’s how I feel about the Giants. I don’t hate them. Just the opposite. Maybe I love them too much. I desperately want them to realize their potential.

Hopefully this fast start is a sign of things to come. The wait has been long enough.

SPCA: Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Aubrey

Are they trying to kill Aubrey Huff?

To look at the guy you’d think he got winded just saying “circle the bases”, but over the last three days he’s put in enough roadwork to prepare for a heavyweight title fight. No one needs Thursday’s day off more than he.

For those who missed it, Huff’s second-inning carom off lucky Archway Number Seven is the current leader in the clubhouse for the Giants play of the year. Over the next 153 contests the Giants are liable to have moments that are more dramatic, but it’s hard to imagine any being more entertaining.

On Wednesday we were twice treated to Huff’s, uh, speed as he legged out three bases on two separate occasions. But an inside-the-park homer, the first of his career, takes the taco.

If you count Ichiro’s four-bagger in the ’07 All-Star Game, this is just the fifth time it has been accomplished at AT&T. Anyone wanna bet that he’s one of the most unlikely Giants to pull that off? Now when Molina hits one…

I’m actually surprised this doesn’t happen more often. One of the glories of AT&T Park is its odd dimensions and angles. Balls off the right field wall can find any number of protrusions (look it up) capable of redirecting a batted ball’s path. The right fielder ought to be wearing a crash helmet and face mask.

Almost lost in the shuffle was a good outing by Jonathan Sanchez. He did get into a couple of jams and I’m convinced the guy is never ready to pitch the first inning, but he managed to weasel out of trouble a couple of times. Eleven strikeouts in eight frames is dealing by anyone’s standards, even if it was against Pittsburgh.

Now it’s true that of the Giants’ seven victories, five have come at the expense of teams that couldn’t hit water falling out and a freaking boat (unless Medders is pitching), but one of the keys to success is beating teams you expect to beat. The Giants have been woefully lacking in this regard in recent years, so 2010’s start has to be considered promising.

Granted, we’ve been here before. I recall a 3-15 stretch a couple of Mays ago that effectively derailed any hopes of contention before the season had really stretched its legs so I’m not going to count on anything at this point. But consider this. If the Giants simply play the last 153 games at a winning clip, they go 84-78. Add to that just one win, one lousy win, per month, and suddenly they’re in the chase.

I am pleased to note that the Giants have twice bounced back from ugly losses. Streaks kill, and the Giants have previously shown a proclivity for extended funks. Hopefully this is a trend.

There’s a long way to go and a lot of work to be done. Despite Rowand going deep and Whiteside having a pitch hit his bat, the Giants have some issues in regard to power. They still hit into too many double plays and the defense can be a bit shaky. One nice thing about that 6-0 edge on Wednesday – Renteria and Medders didn’t get a chance to foul it up.

So it’s a day off, followed by a trip to Manny’s California Adventure and the first meeting of the year with The Hated Dodgers.

Gotta wonder: did Huff take the team flight or did they make him run?

There's Something Eerily Familiar......

Rewind this blog 24 hours. I take back everything I said. Another Giants debacle, and my two favorite targets were planted firmly at Ground Zero.

When I referenced “nails on a chalk board,” this is the kind of game I meant. I saw the offense I expected this year, and worse, the Renteria I expected this year. What an abysmal performance.

Why is it that every time there’s Class A foul-up, Edgar Rent-a-Wreck is right in the middle of it? I thought the stone hands routine was gone when Pedro Feliz left the building, but clearly I was wrong.

There are a lot of errors that can be made on a diamond. Balls take bad hops. They get wind blown. They get lost in the sun or lights. But when all you’re asked to do is glove a routine throw that hits you in the freaking glove and you fall apart like wet cardboard in a monsoon, well, you officially suck.

Double plays are becoming a recurring theme. The Giants hit into far too many, and they can’t turn them when they need to. Add that to wholesale missed offensive opportunities and this 6-5 loss to Pittsburgh is one that should be placed in a time capsule – then promptly dumped in to the deepest part of the sea.

Again, the only part of the “pitching and defense” Giants that lived up to billing was the offense, which by its omission from that description clearly can’t be counted on. Two on, no one out. Runner at third and two out. Those are situations where any competent offense simply HAS to score. The Giants failed, and failed miserably. And when at one point you’ve set the table only to see your 3-4-5 fail to so much as get the ball out of the infield, there are no excuses.

Nice little rally in the ninth, but once again it was too little and too late. With a man on and up three, Dotel feels comfortable with a 3-2 challenge. He doesn’t make the same choice with the game on the line. When it mattered, the top of the order went in order – with Renteria not even coming close when presented with an opportunity for redemption. At least Panda hit the ball hard.

Did I mention pitching? Brandon Medders would be a joke but there’s no punch line, only frustration. He didn’t get the loss but absolutely deserved it, once again proving he’s worthy of every evil thing I ever thought, felt, said, typed or transmitted via osmosis. Guys like Pucetas and Hinshaw don’t make the squad but this serial arsonist gets to wear the orange and black? The only explanation for his roster spot is some kind of blackmail. His only value is as a BP hurler. Unfortunately he keeps throwing it for the opposition.

I also have to slap Affeldt on the wrist. Giants hurlers had retired 13 straight when he issued the four-pitch walk to McCutcheon that set that fiasco up. Then, after seeing Renteria soil the sheets, he served up a flat slider for the RBI single that surrendered the lead. Renteria and Medders are the goats, but Affeldt was an accomplice.

The Giants aren’t going to win them all, but the losses should never be this Elephant Man ugly. There are certain tasks you expect professional athletes – guys who get paid for their physical skill – to make. When they don’t, they’ve done a disservice to the fans, their teammates, and the entire organization. Jeez, the last two innings of that game were a disservice to Abner Doubleday.

The Giants still lead the division. On this night they looked like a team that didn’t plan to stay there long.

Avast ye matey! Giants rout Bucs.

When you’ve made a cottage industry out of bashing a poor team, a 6-1 start leaves you scratching your head. As the season approaches you look at the roster, check out the competition, and make a semi-educated call on the team’s prospects. Usually, lack of previous success by said team leaves you wincing at the coming season, and that sets the tone for your opinions.

So what do you do when the team looks good?

Admittedly, everything is going the Giants’ way right now. Hard-hit balls are being caught. Pitchers (well, some of them) are working out of jams. The offense is scoring runs. The Giants have the best record in baseball – which I understand is one of the signs of the coming apocalypse.

It’s a small sample size so I don’t trust it. Not yet. But, in the back of my reptilian brain I’m thinking: “What if this is real?”

This won’t continue. It can’t. Lincecum and Zito will not go 32-0 (okay, maybe Lincecum will) and I’m confident in saying the Giants, while on a pace to win 138 games, aren’t going to come anywhere near that total. But what a week it has been.

The Giants’ 9-3 win over Pittsburgh was encouraging for no other reason than the Pirates, despite being perennial cellar dwellers, have in recent years seemed to have San Francisco’s number. No matter how hot the Giants appeared to be and how bad the Bucs had played coming in, any meeting between the two has been a nails-on-a-chalk-board grind. Given that Pittsburgh came into the game at .500 (while taking two of three from The Hated Dodgers), the win was even more satisfying.

Plenty of heroes last night. Molina goes 4-for-4 and reaches base five times. Zito was far from sharp yet toiled through six-plus and got the win. Rowand opened the game with a double to start a three-run outburst that made everyone breathe easier for the next eight innings…and he got robbed on another blast to Triples Alley.

But the enduring image from last night will be that of Aubrey Huff circling the bases. It was bad enough watching him gasp for breath after scoring from first on a triple – Guillermo Mota finally proving his worth by fanning Huff with a towel in the dugout afterward. But watching him leg out a triple was akin to watching a wounded turtle negotiating a 45-percent grade. I’d never before seen a honest-to-God coronary on live television.

Anyone make the same mistake I did? I thought I was watching a slow-motion replay only to be stunned when I discovered the action was live.

Speaking of Huff, did the guy say something about unsavory about soft-tossing pitcher Burres’ sister, something to warrant the double plunking? The remark of the night courtesy Mike Krukow: “He’s been hit twice and hasn’t worked up a bruise.” Classic.

A brief sidebar here. There are some baseball purists who take umbrage to the happy talk from Kruk and Kuip. Don’t put me in that camp. A purist should turn off the sound and enjoy the pretty pictures. Yes, they probably spend far too much time talking about food, commenting on Panda hats or cute kids, or bagging on spectators who fail to make a play. I don’t care. Catch phrases aside, you never know what these two are going to say. They make the game fun, and I watch baseball to be entertained.

I think that’s why I bag on the Giants so much, even when they win. They may scratch and claw out a win, but some of the wins are so ugly that they’re tremendously unsatisfying. You don’t want to win on two hit batters, a grounder off the bag, and a throw that hits a baserunner. You’ll take that over losing, but a well-played 5-2 game dusted off in 2:36 leaves a smile on my face every time.

But last night was fun. Still too many double plays for my taste – DeRosa can’t catch a break and probably will be looking to use the whole rabbit instead of the foot soon – but the game wasn’t either boring or ugly.

So, for a brief moment, the Giants rule the roost. Dare to dream.

Panda Power, Son of Zeus lift G-men!

Well, the Giants are 5-1. I absolutely hate some of what I’ve seen, but it’s hard to argue with the results to date. And with Pittsburgh – a poor team that seems to have the Giants number – coming in starting tonight, they G-men are poised to get off to a very strong start.

Over a 162-game slate you gotta figure teams are gonna run hot and cold. A good opening week could be the start of great things, and it could just as easily be an aberration. A prime example of the dynamics of a small sample size is Pablo Sandoval.

“Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend"

You gotta love this guy. In one game he goes from “What’s wrong with Sandoval?” to status as a minor deity. Coming up just a two-bagger short of the cycle, he almost single handedly powered Sunday’s soggy comeback, and in true Kung Fu Panda fashion he used his power, his legs, and his rather ample backside to accomplish the feat.

"I'm not a big fat panda. I'm THE big fat panda....Skadoosh!"

Of course, it also doesn’t hurt when the Fabulous Five can be singularly personified by a scrawny little runt who looks like he’d have been perfectly at home in the Haight circa 1968. But in the case of Tim Lincecum, maybe we’re talking about the wrong movie – perhaps Clash of the Titans is more appropriate since clearly Zeus reached down from Olympus and turned this kid’s arm into a thunderbolt.

After a 4-hour plus delay, it’s hard to fault Timmy for the two-run jack by McCann. More than once we’ve seen starting hurlers unable to go after a big delay. They become nervous wrecks. They warm up, get tight, and leave their game in the tunnel. This kid takes a nap. So maybe he was still a bit groggy when he served up the gopher ball. But what happened after was vintage Lincecum. He got mad.

Now Timmy hasn’t proven to be prone to outbursts of anger. He doesn’t stomp and scream, but enemy hitters certainly know when he’s unhappy – because he tends to make their lives miserable. For the 20th time in his short Big League career he fanned at least 10 – the most by any hurler over that span. And although he gave up his first home round-tripper since late 2008, no one in the visiting dugout could claim they got the best of the kid. He was nails.

As for Panda, he was in the middle of everything. From taking a ball over the arcade to taking a throw off his backside to allow Huff home with the eventual game-winner, he was in the midst of everything. Not a bad way to spend a day -- even if MLB Extra Innings screwed us out-of-market fans out of the game due to weather.

Games like this are why the Giants can be exciting and maddening at the same time. The young talent fueled the win. There appear to be more kids waiting in the wings. It leaves me wondering why the Giants don’t just get the old guys out of the way and see what the kids can do. I mean, wouldn’t you rather have Posey than Whiteside? Crawford than Renteria? Noonan or Downs as opposed to Uribe or Sanchez? Rowand or Ford? Marginal vets aren’t the only reason the Giants have lost in the past, but they sure as heck aren’t a long-term solution.

It’s fair to say that most championship teams don’t get to the Promised Land by riding the center lane. They either fast track it and buy a title (as Arizona did and the Yankees still do), or they build from within as (shudder) the Dodgers did for years. The Giants seen to be caught somewhere in between.

There was a line written several years ago that claimed the worst thing a team could be was mediocre – not good enough to be a contender by not bad enough to be loveable. That’s where the Giants have been for half a decade. You look at the parts and think: if they only had another stick, or they only had a closer, or……..

The Giants are a team at a crossroads. They have young talent. The question is: Do they trust them?

Whoop! There it is!

I really should have known better.

I dared to say a few positive things about the team following yesterday’s game, and they responded by laying out the first unequivocal stink bomb of the season in a 7-2 loss to Atlanta.

When the opposing pitcher spends six innings trying to give you the game, when seven walks result one measly run, your offense officially qualifies as putrid. The lack of a timely hit, a double play rate escalating geometrically, and base running that recalled the halcyon days of Ruben Rivera conspired to make the sticks look like a prep JV team facing the ’27 Yankees.

Now admittedly, any team is gonna have bad days – but it’s not like we didn’t see this coming. It’s also, unfortunately, not like we hadn’t seen this before from the Giants. They can’t hit, they can’t run, they can’t field, and some of their pitchers can’t pitch. Other than that they’re tremendous.

There’s a saying in baseball that you can’t expect to walk guys and win games. Well, the Giants are out to prove that wrong. Unfortunately the poster boy for the Giants efforts was Derek Lowe, who gave out more free passes than Fox News gives to Sarah Palin yet lived to celebrate the win. Conversely, the Giants found themselves in a very giving mood. Walks, hit batters and defensive lapses allowed a competitive game to turn into an embarrassment.

It is absolutely unconcsionable that a team that bills itself as relying on pitching a defense showed neither tonight, at least not when it mattered. Wellemeyer folded up like a cheap card table. Medders allowed an inherited runner to score -- again. The bullpen went into total meltdown. Two potential double play balls were foiled by bad throws (and you’d think the Giants would recognize all permutations of the two ball considering how frequently they see them turned by the opposition).

On the offensive side we saw more of the same failings: weak grounders in key situations, failure to put the ball in play effectively, inability to move runners, poor pitch selection…the list is endless. And once again I gotta ask, why does Eli Whiteside even bother to take a bat to the plate?

The ninth-inning so-called rally will prompt some to say that at least the team didn’t die without a fight. Okay, nice effort. But it’s not exactly like the Braves were ever pressured. Hurlers in that situation aren’t as fine. It’s about avoiding freebies because freebies kill you, and….oh wait. I forgot this was the Giants we were talking about. Freebies are something you waste.

There are things to like about this team, but the Giants seem bound a determined to wreck it. Every step forward is countered by a slide backward. For every young pitcher developed, the Giants feel the need to balance the scale with a “veteran” who was cut loose elsewhere but is expected to rediscover his inner Marichal for the glory of the almighty Sabean.

And again, if you can’t hit, you can’t win. If the Giants can’t, they won’t. Meanwhile, offensive stiffs like Whiteside kill rallies while the Buster Poseys of the world are lining up for scraps at the Silver Dollar Haufbrau in Fresno.

Neukom made a big show about learning to play baseball "The Giants Way". Well, considering the Giants way hasn't produced a title since 1954, maybe they ought to try something else.

Good players and better managment would be a good start.

Mom was Right!

When confronted by someone who was never happy, my mother used to say: "He'd complain if you hung him with a new rope." Well, yeah! New rope or old, he's still gonna swing, right?

So get out the rope. Yep, 4-0 and I’m ticked off.

Screw pitching. I hate teams that rely on pitching. Why? Because every game is a high-wire act, and one slip can be fatal. On this day the Giants pitchers were tossing down banana peels and spreading axle grease on the line.

I questioned which Jonathan Sanchez would show up. I believe in omens, and when you walk your first batter of the season it’s time to start hanging garlic around your neck to ward off anything evil because you’ve already stepped into some dark kharma. But as maddening as he can be, why follow him with that talentless abyss known as Brandon Medders?

Without fail the Giants hold on to one pitcher per season whom I absolutely detest, the guy I’d like to banish to a lifetime with one of my ex-girlfriends, and this year Medders is the lucky victim. If you find the gas can hanging in his locker – I did it.

Every season there’s one guy whose very name uttered by John Miller prompts involuntary esophageal contractions that signal my lunch making a rapid u-turn. Tim Worrell elevated my blood pressure more than a case of Red Bull, Tyler Walker required my wife to remove all breakables from the vicinity of the TV, and now I get to endure this clown? Inherited runners? To quote Hawk Harrellson, “Put ‘em on the board.”

The Giants’ beat Atlanta in extras, and yet the offensive output was eerily reminiscent of seasons past. Double plays have been plentiful. They mounted one decent threat in regulation (and to their credit got the scoring ground balls that have eluded them previously), but with second and third and no one out you’re hoping for a big inning, not three consecutive rollers.

Then, with the Giants pulling to within a run, you depend upon the bullpen to hold any momentum you may have gained. You don’t do that when your pitchers are a danger to fans on the club level. True, Runzler got squeezed on a couple of tosses but there were some offerings from both he and Joaquin that were closer to Brisbane that they were to home plate. Watching that kind of performance you wonder if maybe there hadn’t been a better option – like maybe Chuck Knoblauch or Steve Sax.

Kudos to Velez for lighting up Wagner. In a one run game the lead-off double means you get to bunt and maybe tie the game with an out. Instead we got Rowand flailing away like someone had disconnected his brain stem, only to be bailed out by Renteria – who is threatening to make me take back all the evil things I said about him and retire the voodoo doll. If only he had represented the WINNING run!

With the Giants improbably poised to win in 12, the old habits returned. Winning run 90 feet away with one out. Ishikawa, a total waste of gentic material in situations such as these, managed but a nubber. Whiteside then completed the failure, giving rise to the question: "What idiot constructs a roster that leaves Eli Whiteside as the only option in a situation like that?"

Win or lose, this is a team that doesn’t yet have all the parts. People talk about the great pitching, but let’s be realistic. The Giants have some great pitchers, and that’s not the same thing. Lincecum is a true ace and Cain is an ace in waiting. Wilson is one of the better closers in the league. Romo is an up-and-comer, and Affeldt one of the luckiest guys on the planet. Then it gets a bit dicey. Zito is, well, Zito. The rest range from unproven to guys just taking up space. There still are weaknesses, and you don’t address them with the Guillermo Motas of the world.

I don’t see this as a bad team, I just don’t see them as contenders. Since 2005 the Giants modus operandi has been to be just good enough to make you wonder what would happen if they just had one more arm, one more stick, scored one more run, caught one more ball.

It appears 2010 won’t buck that trend. The scoreboard and standing don't reflect the weknesses on the field -- yet. I'll hope for the best, but I'm not holding my breath. The hangman is still lurking.

The Broom Makes a Rare Appearance

So the Giants managed a sweep in Houston despite the first legitimate breakdown of the new season. Heck, the Giants haven't had this kind of success to open a campaign since 2004, when they opened up in... wait for it....Houston. There's gotta be some correlation, right?

This is the part where my faithful readers (all four of them) undoubtedly look for me to throw some water onto the fire. Well, far be it from me to disappoint.

A 3-0 start is encouraging. The Giants have done some things I like. They also are showing some of those same maddening tendencies that have derailed seasons past.

The old joke is that a pessimist says "Things can't get any worse. The optimist replies "Oh yes they can." That's how I feel about double plays. Optimistically you have to admit that the Giants can't be hitting into this many twin killings without being somewhat proficient at getting on base. But every GBDP is a wasted opportunity, one more chance to put up runs squandered. Sabean made a big deal about finding guys who put the ball in play, but the lack of a power bat and limited speed increases the likelihood that a ball in play turns two.

Contact hitters are a double-edged sword, kinda like hooking up with Catherine Trammell (look it up). It could be glorious, and it could be fatal. You take your chances. In DeRosa and Molina the Giants have two guys who are going to put the ball in play, and both are, shall we say, velocity challenged. DeRosa is going to hit into his share of twin killings, and teams may practice the pivot vs. Molina even with no one on base. They'll also provide some pop (and Bengie is much more acceptable hitting sixth or seventh than he was in the clean-up spot) but these two are also going to require my wife to put up some kind of safety barrier between me and the plasma to hinder my ability to fire a Heineken bottle through it out of frustration.

The Giants have yet to be seriously bitten by some lapses with the leather despite an abundance of same, and I won't rip Rowand for not going all Jim Edmonds on us and making a circus catch that would have saved Cain's bacon -- although I'm sure Rowand will tell you he should have made the play.

I can't anticipate the starters going seven every time out, the middle relief is a big question mark, and Affeldt showed yesterday that he doesn't always have a four-leaf clover in his back pocket. Pitching is still their strength, but the mere fact that Guillermo Mota made this team shows there's still work to be done.

But (don't gasp), here's the bright side. After squandering a lead, the Giants OFFENSE (there’s an oxymoron for ya) fought back. Rowand, for a day at least, found his stroke. DeRosa and Molina, slow or not, are hitting the ball hard. Edgar Renteria still has the range of a garden slug but is (for the moment) both healthy and hot. John Bowker and Travis Ishikawa went yard. There's a lot to like here. My question: Is this the team we can expect to see all year or was this a function of poor Astros pitching and a hitter-friendly yard? It's common knowledge that drives that leave Scottsdale or Minute Maid are loud outs at AT&T. I wouldn't be surprised to see the Giants hit better on the road than at home this year.

And there-in lies the rub. What will be the tipping factor for those all-important 82 home games? Will AT&T bite back thanks to slower defense, turning an A-minus pitching staff into a B? Will the lack of power turn the current average of six runs a game into a more pedestrian number than puts undue strain on the hurlers?

We find out more starting Friday. "Dirty" Sanchez takes the hill and the Giants get their first taste of home cooking. I’m anxious to see which Sanchez shows up, the one who no-hit the hapless Padres last year and pounded the strike zone in Scottsdale, or the head case who at can't find the strike zone with a military-grade laser guidance system. This, I believe, is the year he has to realize his potential or make way for the next Next Big Thing.

But hey, the bottom line is the Giants are 3-0. Now they get to face a real team in Atlanta. I like the first few minutes of this movie. Let's see if the next few scenes hold up.

Giants Rest Atop Baseball World (clip and save)

I do believe it's time for all Giants fans to give the schedule maker one big, fat, sloppy kiss. Oh, to open every season against a team that is as offensively challenged as the Giants. I'm not sure what's more sad, counting on Bengie Molina to drive in runs or counting on Geoff Blum to do the same.

'Stros fans, I feel your pain.

But, not being one to look a gift horse in the proverbial mouth, I'll take the 2-0 start. Moreover, in Year Four of his contract, Barry Zito actually looked like a pitcher. Only time will tell if this is some sort of miraculous recovery or just a blip on the EKG of a terminal patient; but Barry, both my blood pressure and my fantasy team thank you.

Of course, there's a fly in the ointment. If players were paid based on performance, Aaron Rowand would already be offering refunds. After an entire spring campaign where he drove the ball effectively, he's off on a mind-numbing 0-for-10 tear to start the season. Worse, he's swinging at the same crap that had him being compared to Pedro Feliz last year. Why anyone would ever throw this guy a strike is beyond me. He walks at about the same rate as Stephen Hawking and is about as selective as Tiger Woods.

There are some things I like. Mark DeRosa shouldn't be hitting in the middle of anyone's order but he does give spirited ABs -- which is like saying that chick would be really hot if she weren't your sister. Bengie Molina is a little more patient at the plate, although the guy still runs like a turtle stampeding through peanut butter. And we've now gone two full games without a Renteria injury. Yahoo, I think I'll wet my pants.

The pitching is hard to evaluate because the Astros put up about as much resistance as drunk coed on prom night, but the starters have yet to allow a run in 13 frames to date. I do hope that Zito doesn't prove to be a $126-million six-inning pitcher, although given his 2007-09 performance that could be considered an improvement. Still, a starter failing to go seven full points out what looks to be the one problem area.

Brian Wilson is entrenched as the closer. Sergio Romo and Jeremy Affeldt should be solid set-up men. The bridge arms may be the issue. So far we've seen three candidates for that job. Dan Runzler was okay in a brief audition. Waldis Joaquin had no clue where the ball was going. Brandon Medders, unfortunately did --  he got a good look at it as it rocketed past him on the way to the outfield wall. Someone there needs to step up.

Fortunately, there's plenty of time to sort that out. The Giants are off to a good start. Where will they be after one trip around the league? That's anyone's guess. It's certainly a shame they can't spend the first two months in Houston.

The Good, the Bad, and the Really Freaking Ugly

 Shorter rants now as I try to update more often.

Day One is in the books and, for the most brief of moments, the Giants ride atop the NL West. Kudos to the schedule maker, who had the Giants open at Minute Maid against the hapless Astros -- who, along with Pittsburgh, are the only teams in baseball as challenged as the Giants from a management standpoint.

There were some positives. The Giants newly-minted 4-5-6 helped stitch together a three-run outburst. Lincecum wasn't sharp but still threw seven scoreless, and Renteria managed to go an entire game without ending up on the DL.

We also, unfortunately, saw Aaron Rowand go 0-5 -- proving spring numbers aren't a indicator of anything. We saw Bengie Molina's glacier-like speed turn a solid double into a single. We found out that the middle of the Giants infield has the range of a quadrapeligic.

And for the really ugly, we found out Brandon Medders still sucks. Why this limp-armed stiff still has a job is beyond beyond me. Pucetas and Hinshaw languish in AAA while this human BP machine gets to wear a Major League uniform? I'm not sure if it's Medders himself or his agent, but someone has got to possess a photo of Sabean doing something unmentionable with farm animals.

But. the G-Men are 1-0. They lead the division (and wasn't it glorious watching the Dodgers tank?).

Opening Day: Here We Go Again!

It's Opening Day, that time of year where every would-be scribe dishes out his predictions for the upcoming season. Rather than bore you with obscure stats that divine why PECOTA and CHONE divided by the vernal equinox are either incredibly prescient or undeniably idiotic -- a stance which has little to do with merit and everything to do with agreement -- we'll get it out of the way.

The Giants, in the Ranter's opinion (I love it when people go third person) can be expected to take a step backward. At year's end they'll be at or around .500. Since I'm convinced you can throw a blanket over the Giants, Dodgers and D-backs in the quest to be runner-up to Colorado -- the team the Giants aspire to be -- let's split the difference and peg the Giants for third place.

So much for predictions. No one needs a Ouija Board to figure out the Giants. This is essentially the same team they had last year. That was good for 89 wins, but the rest of the division (with the obvious exception of LA) got better. The Giants stood pat.

Brian Satan keeps running the same game plan. The Giants inked five position players in the off-season -- and three of those moves involved re-upping their own guys. BS (how appropriate) shelled out just south of $35 million to bring back Freddy Sanchez, Bengie Molina and Juan Uribe while adding in Aubrey Huff and Mark DeRosa. These five heroes (and I say this as a guy who drafted Sanchez for his fantasy team --- albeit in the 26th round) aren't difference makers. They hit a combined .266 last year with an OBP that could be equaled by the walker brigade from "The Producers" and an OPS surpassed by most Little League teams. I hadn't seen numbers that frightening since my last Ameritrade statement.

By the way, isn't it telling that Sanchez was still around in the 26th round of a 14-team draft when the second base position is such a fantasy abyss? Jeez, Melvin the Stat Geek knows more about this guy's value than the so-called experts that infest the Giants upper management positions, and Melvin hasn't been out of Mommy's basement since Miami Vice was cancelled. Hell, I only took him because the 14 guys still on my draft sheet were probably going to start the season in AA. And if you think that's bad, I had to struggle to avoid putting the gun barrel in my mouth when I needed a sixth starter and found myself shamefully whisper the name "Barry Zito".

I simply do not understand the philosophy. CHONE puts the Giants in the bottom four teams offensively, right where they were in 2010. Really? Sabean keeps throwing cows in with the horses and expecting them to gallop. Hey, Brian. No matter how you dress it up, IT'S STILL A FREAKING COW!!! A team that couldn't hit last year won't hit this year either.

Worse, continuing to bring in marginal players makes it impossible to bring up new talent. Posey and a cheaper vet have imminently more upside than the Human Glacier, yet Molina is back. Uribe got a three-fold raise to be utility man (take that PG&E). DeRosa's signing ensured that either Scheirholtz or Bowker gets the old Spanish Archer, just like the plethora of AARP infielders mandated the exile of Frandsen to Boston in exchange for a pair of used battling gloves and a leaky rosin bag.

The strength of this team is pitching, and any team that starts with Lincecum and Cain at the top of the rotation has something to build on. I have to say I can't complain too much about the arms, although I still preferred Pucetas as the number five over Wellemeyer (a decision I'm sure was predicated by contract as much as by performance). With Romo, Affeldt and Wilson set to hold down the back end I like the broad strokes of the pen. And while I didn't feel the extensions for Cain and Wilson were necessary, and least the Giants have a pretty good idea what their staff, and the salary structure for same, will look like for the foreseeable future.

But the Giants seem intent on building upon this glorious foundation with substandard materials. "Excuse me, ma'am. Nice house, strong foundation. Now do you want the granite countertops or should we just lay dry wall over some old milk crates?"

We saw it over the weekend, outslugged 17-5 by the A's on Friday night before squeaking out a win on Saturday vs Chad "When does my shift at Safeway start?" Gaudin. This team can't depend solely on pitching -- especially if Wellemeyer replicates Sunday's outing and can't find the strike zone with a map and a flashlight. Pucetas got shipped to Fresburg why?

No matter how good your pitching is, the arms sometimes take a holiday. If you can score runs, you've still got a shot. The Giants haven't learned from the past two seasons. You can't win a 0-0 game. Even if you've got a staff ERA under 4.00, you've still got to score those four runs to win a ball game. The Giants can't do that on a regular basis, which means yet another year where the Giants waste good arms (and Wellemeyer).

Speaking of which, why is it that once again the Giants spent the off-season lauding their young arms yet felt compelled to go to outside sources to fill out the staff? It happens every year. Sabean has a serious Jones for other people's property. Wave a pitcher in his face and he's got to have it. He had to have Matt Morris, Dustin Hermanson, Matt Herges, Bret Tomko, etc. What gives? Are the young arms really good or is Satan simply blowing smoke up our collective backside and desperately trying to cover his tracks? Maybe it's just ADD, wave a hurler around and watch him twist his neck screaming "squirrel!"

And here's something few are talking about -- expect the Giants' team ERA to go up this year, and not just a fraction. The need for offense was poorly addressed, and in doing so the Giants dramatically weakened their defense. Huff could play first base with a fork and a boxing glove and no one would notice, and DeRosa is no threat to Ussein Bolt. On the bright side, Renteria is (supposed to be) healthy, meaning he'll have lost two steps instead of three. We won't even talk about Panda and Uribe, who make one wonder if the Giants are recruiting an offense or an offensive line. Unless the hurlers plan on a lot of 15-strikeout games, they're in deep excrement.

Brian Sabean seems to concentrate on only one thing at a time. It's all about starting pitching. Or it's all about finding a closer. It's all about defense. It's all about a big bat. It's all about OBP. What about balance? Boston can pitch and hit -- the Cursed Red Sox win titles. The Rockies have built a team that can do both -- they're the odds-on favorite in the NL West. The Cardinals show balance year after year and are always in the hunt. Discussion of the Giants invariably centers on an unaddressed weakness. And so it is this year.

Friends, I want to be wrong, but I see this season going down faster than Captain Sully after encountering a flock of geese. I fear yet another season of pain coming on.