Giants Tell Sis to "Pucker Up" in Denver

It sounds like a riddle: How many Giants pitchers does it take to toss a three-hit shutout?

That was just one of the questions from the brief stop in Colorado. The Giants split the pair, which was an improvement on their last Denver debacle and not bad if you go by the old "win half on the road and two thirds at home" theory, but it certainly wasn't pretty.

Game One versus the Rockies was a 10-0 laugher, except I didn't get the joke. I cannot be the only person who sat there in the seventh inning yelling "Can't one of you morons throw a freakin' strike?"

I loved this quote from Melonhead regarding the overvalued Jonathan Sanchez:

"It starts with your pitching, and Sanchez did a terrific job. He really had a good rhythm out there. Good stuff, good command, and he did a terrific job against a tough lineup."

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

The line on Sanchez: six-plus innings, three hits, no runs, four walks. He did fan nine, including seven in a row, but outside of that streak he was incredibly ordinary and he was unable to extend his outing beyond his customary distance despite being handed an early 7-0 lead.

For the first four innings I was happily eating crow. Then came the fifth, which always seems to be the killer. We're gonna find out that someone walked up from behind and scared the bejezus out of him as child just when they got to that digit on Sesame Street. He got two of the first three hitters, sandwiching those two outs around a walk to Hawpe. Then he gave up a single to the pitcher, walked Spilbourghs (not him again!), and limped off the mound shaking his head. This, even more than the wildness, was the red flag. Helton fouled out to end the frame, but I knew Sanchez wasn't to last much longer. Mora's sixth-inning double was survivable, but another walk of Hawpe to open the seventh sealed his fate.

There's not a thing wrong with this guy's talent. He has absolutely electric stuff, but he doesn't seem to posses the mental capacity to harness it. His command disappears on a whim, and when it does he becomes his own worst enemy. He threw 98 pitches, an improvement considering he's usually into triple digits by the fifth, but even with a massive lead he managed to throw just 57 of those for strikes. Command? Ha!

Of course, he's not alone. Newcomer Ramon Ramirez saw two batters: one strikeout, one walk, one microwave burrito hurled at the plasma. "It's 7-0,  you Jackwagon! Strikes, dagnabbit! Throw strikes!" Enter Lopez. Groundout, walk (aargh!!!!!). Only a Circ de Solei-style catch by Freddie Sanchez averted disaster. It's Coors Field, and leads disappear like virgins on prom night. Why create rallies for free?

Chris Ray pitched a quiet eighth so naturally there was no way on Earth he was gonna be allowed finish the game, not when Santiago Casilla could come on to record three stikeouts and (of course) another walk -- the seventh of the game for the G-men.

This is not "effectlively wild". The last Giant who wore that moniker  was Damian Moss, who lasted half the '03 a season before being swapped for Shrek's stunt double (Sidney Ponson) and is now back home wrangling kangaroos. Moss would be the sniper of this bunch.

Fortunately the offense provided enough distance to keep the game from becoming a true coronary event. Freddie, Torres and Burrell all went yard, Posey had three hits, and the offense appeared to be firing on all cyclinders (well, Renteria still looked lost). Good thing, too, since the squad decided to take Game Two off. Maybe there were some good sales to be had on the K Street Mall.

One night after lighting up Rockies pitchers for 19 hits, the Giants failed to set their alarms and somehow left their game back at the Adams Mark. The Giants didn't even get a runner to second base until the sixth, and settled for just five hits and a pair of walks.

MadBum didn't have it, yielding four earned in four-plus. Yet I wasn't nearly as disappointed with his performance as I was with Sanchez's. First, Bumgarner did suffer from some bad luck as a handfull of bleeps and bloops found holes. And let's face it, the Giants defense didn't help him much either. There were no errors charged, but it wasn't pretty as Panda's throws to first had the fans behind the rail putting up sand bags and the infield kicked the ball around like it was the World Cup. At least Bumgarner made Colorado swing the bats. His K/B ratio was one strike short of two-to-one and he issued but a single free pass.

Virtualy everything about baseball is subject to interpretation, but there is one irrefutable truth: you can't defend a walk. If you get beat, you get beat -- but make the enemy earn what it gets. Giving up five runs on eight hits sucks. Giving up eight runs on five hits is worthy of reassignment behind the register at My-T-Mart.

The game was still winable at when Bumgarner left, but Denny Bautista made that academic. The Giants finally dented the scoreboard in the top of the sixth. One of the basic tennants of pitching is that when you score, you want to keep the opposition from answering so your offense can build some momentum. Bautista never got that memo. Half a hot dog later the Rockies had tacked on two more and this puppy was history -- the two-gamer ending with a split and a great big "bleh!"

At 62-46 the Giants trail San Diego by one stinking game (by the way, am I the only one mentally justifying pulling for the Dodgers this week as technically only rooting against the Padres?) The G-men have some desicions to make heading into a crucial series (they're all crucial now) againt NL East-leading Atlanta.

After inexplicably carrying 13 pitchers for the two-gamer, someone has gotta go. My guess is either Casilla or Bautista finds a spot on the waiver wire and/or a trip to Fresno. To further complicate matters, Todd Wellemeyer made his last rehab start and the Giants have to again address that mind-numbing signing. It really gets fun mid month when Affeldt and Runzler could return.  Seems the Giants have cornered the market on second-level arms. They couldn't have taken the time to find one freakin' hitter?

The way I see it, they only have room for 12 pitchers, and if the top three of the rotation keep going deep into games it's not unthinkable to go with 11. But staying within the norm the Dirty Dozen should be: Lincecum, Zito, Cain, (gag) Sanchez, Bumgarner, Wilson, Romo, Affeldt, Lopez, Mota, Ramirez and Ray. Bautista, Casilla and Wellemeyer should be waiver candidates, and I'd be pleased as punch to see Runzler sent back to Fresno for more seasoning.

Will that happen? Doubtful. Sabean can't admit a mistake so at least one of the Waiver Wonders will stick, and don't be surprised if Wellemer ends up back in the rotation. I can already hear the bleating about sending Bumgarner to the pen to "save his arm". Puh-leeze.

The pitching staff is overpopulated and the offense underwhelming. Much has been made about their offensive explosion (they've averaged 5.33 runs a game since July 1) but that's only part of the story. In those 30 games they scored three runs or less on 14 occasions. The numbers are inflated and they certainly aren't consitent. Hey, they averaged 5 1/2 runs a game in Colorado. How'd that work out?

Atlanta gets the Giants' 1-4 starting on Thursday. Let's hope they're up to the challenge, and let's pray the front office finally gets these guys the help they deserve.