Giants' Valdez leaves in a Huff

Mr. Peabody, let's set the wayback machine for 2002.

The over-achieving Giants just lost a World Series heartbreaker, largely because the idiot manager pulled his starter in Game Six way too soon then entrusted Game Seven to a quivering tower of Jello whose reputation as a big game pitcher owed more to Eric Gregg than to talent.

So how to get back those precious six outs? Well, according to Brian Satan, uh, Sabean, you start by dealing away that Game Six starter. Russ Ortiz goes to the Braves for the "effectively wild" Damian Moss -- who proved to be much more "wild" than "effective" and was gone by the trading deadline. But, "never fear", said the Genius GM, the prize in the deal is a minor league pitcher named Merkin Valdez.

Yup, the prize just got DFA'd to make room for Aubrey Huff, a journeyman stick on a one-year pass. Wow, that deal really looks like a winner. So I ask again, how does Sabean keep his job?

By the way, does anyone rememebr that Ortiz was dealt because he wanted the outrageous sum of $4 million per year -- less than half of what the Giants paid Dave Roberts last year to play Scrabble and watch SoapNet?

In 13 seasons with the Giants, Sabean has yet to bring home a crown. There is no GM now in baseball who has put up that kind of record and managed to keep his job. Sabean just got a contract extension. You gotta go into porn or manufacture crystal meth to find another profession where mediocrity is so richly rewarded.

And it's not like this is an abberation. Last season the Giants moved their number-three pitching prospect for a first sacker who got about 100 ABs before it was decided he wasn't worth keeping around. In the deal for Ryan Garko, the Tribe got an emerging arm while the Giants temporarily enjoyed an extra hand in clubhouse card games. The jury is still out on a deal where the number two pitching prospect departed for a second baseman that needed to be put down after throwing a shoe on the backstretch. Those moves bring to mind winners like Jeremy Accardo for Shea Hillenbrand or Joe Nathan et al for AJ Pierzynski.

Where exactly is the learning curve?

Valdez was supposed to be The Man -- a hurler with a blazing fastball who would intimidate the Albert Pujolses of the world for a decade. Now he's yet the latest entry on a growing list of failed Sabean experiments. Hoo-rah! I hope I don't get trampled in the stampede to buy season tickets.

Incidently, I let my season tix go after '05 when it became evident this ship was going down faster than Linda Lovelace, and the front office hasn't exactly given me a reason to come back. Spedning $80 a head to sit on the club level and watch Aaron Rowand swing at sliders in the dirt isn't my idea of a pleasureable leisuretime activity.

So Mr. Wonderful is handed his Samsonite luggage and a bus ticket to make room for Aubrey Huff, a move a good friend of my described thusly:

"I have always believed ‑‑ from day one of his career ‑‑ that Aubrey Huff would be a Giant at some point after his peak. Mediocre in every aspect but with a little plus power, now at the end of his carreer. In short, a PML (Proven Major Leaguer). Sabean's wet dream."

Take notice, Giants fans. This is your clean-up hitter. The only significant improvement Huff shows over Bengie Moina is that there may be something left of the postgame spread when Huff clears the buffet line.

So, the Giants' (read that Sabean's) idea of an upgrade is to replace a 4-5 of Molina and Winn with Huff and DeRosa. Well, that is an unpgrade -- like making out with  the ugly chick down the block in an upgrade from
kissing your sister. Neither is something you admit to anywhere other than the Jerry Springer Show.

I won't even recite the entire Sabean littany. Baseball is a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately business, so just look and the post-Game Six era (if you dare). Sabean has very little to show for his (ahem) efforts. He's primarily gone after aging vets hoping to catch lightlning in a bottle. It happened once, and he's clearly convinced that there's now no other way to operate -- which for him may be the case since his few attempts at grabbing younger "talent" (like Valdez) have been unmitigated disasters. Even when there's a glimmer of hope with the emergence of youngsters like Lincecum, Cain and Sandoval, you hold your breath wondering how he's going to screw it up.

Sadly, that's usually an easy question to answer.

Case in point: it appeared the Giants had backed themselves into a situation where Bumgarner and Posey had to start (see my last post). Now comes word that the Giants are negotiating for the return of Yorvit Torrealba. Let me get this straight. A guy who was a back-up in San Francisco from 2001-2005 before being dealt for a marginal outfielder is now the answer behind the plate. This as he reaches an age where most catchers start to deteriorate faster than Ozzy Osbourne's mental state? What's next, the return of Jesse Foppert?

I give up. I was hopeful that the Giants finally were going to be forced to give the kids a chance. Now I see that's never going to happen. Sabean could have the world's hottest supermodel decked out in the latest slutware from Victoria's Secret begging for his attention, but he's going to focus on the aging B-movie actress who once gave him a thrill via Cinemax when he was 14 years old.

We're a month away from Spring Training. Pass the Pepto Bismol.